My Healing Story
As a child I experienced profound betrayals from people I loved, trusted, and depended on. In order to make sure this didn't happen to me again, I hid my truest self and became a pleaser. I strove to perform and became all about what I should think, should feel, and should do, cutting myself off from the inner life of my soul. Maybe no one around me noticed, but I felt powerless and miserable inside. I was very unfulfilled placing all of my energy into being a dutiful wife, mother and servant of God while my art supplies were buried under boxes of unused crap in my garage.
After a very big disappointment that turned my life upside down, I realized that this "safe" life I was betraying myself for was not safe at all and that the price I was paying was clearly too high. It became obvious to me that I was playing the role of a martyr, the damsel in distress, and that no one except God and myself were going to save me and not as a groveling servant, but in a co-creative partnership as a beloved. That realization gave me back my God-given voice and power and allowed me to begin to heal from years of hidden trauma.
Now I have a dedicated art space, my paintings are on the walls, and my marriage is better for it, not worse!! It also gives me great joy to know that I am modeling self care to my daughters, and my relationship with God is more characterized by trust and hopefulness than ever. I have also learned what safety actually is. It's not the false sense of security I was getting from my dependency on the approval of others. It is knowing that I am responsible for how I allow others to treat me, that I can say no to abusive behavior, and that I can enter into relationships with healthy guidelines firmly and intentionally in place. It's been a long and sometimes painful road, with many lessons that I am still learning, but the reward has been greater peace, joy, and fulfillment and it has been worth every step.
Soon I started longing to share all that I was learning with others. If my life was being so incredibly transformed, maybe I could study my experience and extract principles that I could teach. Then I could help others to achieve the healing, empowerment, and freedom that I was experiencing. I began to pray that God would redeem every "misstep" in my life and use every victory in the service of others. This is how Shadow and Substance (my healing coaching program) and In Her Own Rite (my empowering retreat) offerings came about.
After a very big disappointment that turned my life upside down, I realized that this "safe" life I was betraying myself for was not safe at all and that the price I was paying was clearly too high. It became obvious to me that I was playing the role of a martyr, the damsel in distress, and that no one except God and myself were going to save me and not as a groveling servant, but in a co-creative partnership as a beloved. That realization gave me back my God-given voice and power and allowed me to begin to heal from years of hidden trauma.
Now I have a dedicated art space, my paintings are on the walls, and my marriage is better for it, not worse!! It also gives me great joy to know that I am modeling self care to my daughters, and my relationship with God is more characterized by trust and hopefulness than ever. I have also learned what safety actually is. It's not the false sense of security I was getting from my dependency on the approval of others. It is knowing that I am responsible for how I allow others to treat me, that I can say no to abusive behavior, and that I can enter into relationships with healthy guidelines firmly and intentionally in place. It's been a long and sometimes painful road, with many lessons that I am still learning, but the reward has been greater peace, joy, and fulfillment and it has been worth every step.
Soon I started longing to share all that I was learning with others. If my life was being so incredibly transformed, maybe I could study my experience and extract principles that I could teach. Then I could help others to achieve the healing, empowerment, and freedom that I was experiencing. I began to pray that God would redeem every "misstep" in my life and use every victory in the service of others. This is how Shadow and Substance (my healing coaching program) and In Her Own Rite (my empowering retreat) offerings came about.